How to Fix the Phillies: Fire Everyone

PHILADELPHIA, PA - MAY 15: Manager Charlie Manuel #41 of the Philadelphia Phillies argues with home plate umpire Bob Davidson on a delayed call during the eighth inning against the Houston Astros in a MLB baseball game on May 15, 2012 at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Manuel was ejected from the game as the Phillies defeated the Astros 4-3 in 10 innings. (Photo by Rich Schultz/Getty Images)

@FakeWIPCaller's simple plan for fixing the Phillies

The Phillies, with their first half performance, have continually embarrassed the city of Philadelphia and every one of their fans. Not only has their performance ruined this season, but it's all but undone the past five years of success, including the 2008 title.

However, all is not lost. The Phillies can redeem themselves and catapult back into contention with just a few short steps:

- Fire Charlie Manuel. I've been calling for Charlie to go since 2006, but now more than ever. I'm sick of him costing the Phillies 10-15 games per season with his awful moves, and the shame of having won only one World Series when they should have at least three is all on him.

- Fire Ruben Amaro, too. He should've seen Utley's injury, the bullpen meltdown, and Cliff Lee's one-win first half coming, and it's on him that he didn't.

- Fire Dave Montgomery. He's the boss, the buck stops with him, and I don't know why he's gotten a pass for the last five years. Tell Middleton to spend some of that cigar money on a better team president.

- Trade Ryan Howard and Chase Utley for Josh Hamilton. Howard and Utley are healthy and have re-established their value, Texas needs a first baseman and the Rangers have to have signability concerns about Hamilton. Win-win-win.

- Trade Cole Hamels for three major prospects, but with the understanding that he'll re-sign with the Phils when he's a free agent. I'm sure Bud Selig will understand.

- Trade Jimmy Rollins to the Cubs for Starlin Castro. I've been saying for awhile that the Phils need to get younger.

- Trade Jonathan Papelbon for five good relievers. Boom- bullpen problem solved.

- Trade Shane Victorino for Justin Upton. Self-explanatory.

- Trade Domonic Brown for Carlos Quentin. Gargano is right about this- the power has to come from somewhere.

- Release Cliff Lee. Sure, he's owed over $100 million. But think of the message it would send…

After they make all those moves, the Phils will need to approach the offseason aggressively. Kind of like the Eagles last year, only without the crushing disappointment that followed.

Of course, here's my conspiracy theory: We all know the Phillies are cheap, and you just know they're not comfortable spending the $150 million or so that's been their payroll. So they purposely tanked this season, so they can go super-cheap next year. I mean, can it be any more obvious?

If the Phillies follow my plan, they can put the whole "cheap" charge to bed once and for all.

Other Philly sports takes:

- I'm so glad that, in spite of everything, so many Penn State fans still defend the football program. That's what loyalty and school spirit is all about.

- My only comment on the Lurie divorce- if you're curious how the next four years of the Eagles will go, Google the names "Frank and Jamie McCourt." The upshot is, it'll hopefully end with the Eagles purchased by a group fronted by Dr. J.

- I'm sick of the Eagles having thuggish players on the team, who commit horrible crimes like pulling hotel fire alarms.

Follow @FakeWIPCaller on Twitter.

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