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How to Properly Watch a Tuesday Night Eagles Game

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Everyone's confused about the Tuesday night Eagles/Vikings game. The go-to Sunday wings/chips/dip/beer routine doesn't fit. Neither does the hot roast beef sandwich Monday night standard. So naturally, people are scrambling for a method to watch this game.

As Jason said, it's the first Tuesday game in 64 years. People are scrambling to DVR their favorite primetime shows for post-football watching but have no fear: NCIS, Biggest Loser, and Glee are all reruns. So sit back and relax, as I outline your odd football Tuesday night. Here's your nine foolproof steps to watch this game.

  1. Go ahead, put on your favorite Eagles jersey. A lot of you are worried that the odd day will throw off the Karma of your Sunday jersey. It won't. So don your McCoy, Jackson, or Mamula with pride -- that won't hurt the Birds chances tonight.
  2. The spot on the couch, however, is a different story entirely. Wherever you sit on gameday, move 2/7th's of the way, or 28.6%, to the right. If that moves you into another room or even outside, well that's just a sacrifice you'll have to make so the Eagles win this game. Turn your television accordingly.
  3. If you live in the Philadelphia area, you know at least one person who got tickets to the game tonight. Since you're missing friends anyway, you won't mind the rule I'm making up of having just one friend over to watch the game. The friend has to be of the same sex -- I don't want any sexual tension pervading the sanctity of this Holy Tuesday.
  4. There are three times during the hours of 7-11 PM Eastern Time that you should be putting food in your mouth. Eat a somewhat late dinner so you're properly satiated for gametime. I recommend cooking it yourself - it'll take your mind off the ramifications of this game. Depending on your fridge situation, combine some sort of greenery (salad/veggies) with chicken. Not your typical gameday food, I know, but it's Tuesday and you can't mask eating crappy by saying it's the weekend. You already ate too much for Christmas anyway, and New Year's binge eating is right around the corner. Go with chicken salad, but you can splurge with some ranch dressing or even blue cheese if you do a few sit-ups first.
  5. So the game has started, you're done picking the chicken salad out of your teeth, and the Birds are presumably up a quick touchdown after a bomb from Michael Vick to DeSean Jackson. Things have settled. Now you can turn your phone back on. Doesn't everybody power down their cells to avoid unwanted calls during the game? No? Well turn them on anyway, but make sure it's vibrate. You don't want "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" playing under Al Michaels (or Merrill Reese if you're into the time delay).
  6. It's halftime. Finish the chicken you made too much of. Sure it's dry, but drop some ketchup on it and you're golden. Go to the bathroom immediately afterward.
  7. Before the third quarter starts, check the Syracuse basketball game. They'll be beating Providence pretty handily by then. UNC-Rutgers also. Don't get too invested though, the Eagles will be back on soon.
  8. Snack on some chips. Don't drizzle cheese on them and microwave the bowl. You don't want to be eating that this late. Regular chips will be fine.
  9. As the game winds down, Michaels and Collinsworth will start talking about next week's Bears/Packers game. Mute them. That game was also moved to 4:15 next Sunday, so you'll be keeping tabs on that while the Eagles play the Cowboys. No sense worrying about it now. Enjoy this win, then go to bed happy.

Hope your nerves are calmed for tonight's game. Keep a level head, stay focused, and go to the bathroom regularly. You'll be fine.

Go Birds!