It is a tradition started by Frank Costanza in a Seinfeld episode and it has taken on a life of it's own. Every December 23rd, people all over the world celebrate a "Festivus for the rest of us." My favorite part has always been the Festivus airing of grievances. As Constanza described i,
"And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!"
So this year I'd like to gather our Philly sports family around the table for our second annual Festivus airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now, you're gonna hear about it.
Ruben Amaro Jr. - How about you sit tight for a few days after free agency starts and not totally overestimate the market. Every year you jump out and sign a guy to big money that if you waited a week or two you probably could have gotten cheaper and for less years. $32 mil to Raul Ibanez, $18 million Placido Polanco and now $50 mil Jonathon Papelon. Meanwhile, Ryan Madson is still out there unsigned and watching his price drop every day.
Look at what you did for Jimmy Rollins! You waited around and lo and behold you pretty much got the price and years you wanted. See how that works?
Michael Vick - Look, we know you're a tough guy. We know you want to want to fight for every yard, but you're a six foot tall, 215 quarterback. Act like it! Sliding is not an incredibly complicated skill. These fat slobs who play baseball do it every day. Certainly a finely tuned athlete such as yourself can figure it out!
James van Reimsdyk - You were awesome in the playoffs. The Flyers gave you a brand new $25 million contract... You've got to do better than 18 points! Don't be Claude Lemeuix where you do nothing in the regular season and only come alive in the playoffs. Every other young player on this Flyers team is stepping up. What are you doing JVR?
New Sixers owners - The first player you signed was 35 year old Tony Battie. This is literally the first you thing you did. You only get to make your first move one time and yours was to re-sign Tony Battie. Any minute he takes away from rookie first round pick Nikola Vucevic is a travesty and you just know Doug Collins will do it too... That's why you can't give Doug Collins old veterans. He'll use them. Force him to play his young players and let them develop. This team has no shot to win a title this year, so how can any 35 year old be taking minutes from young players you want to develop?
Phillies - You get more of a pass in this town than any other team. You're also better and more talented than any other team. You crashed out of the playoffs in the first round. I get that a short series in baseball can be tough, but you didn't get enough crap for being by far the biggest postseason letdown of any Philadelphia sports team since the 2002 Eagles.
Other quick Philly sports grievances.
We don't need sportstalk on four radio stations. Two is arguably too much. Four is just ridiculous.
Speaking of sports radio. I remember how awesome I thought the Wing Bowl was when I was 15 years old. I could not have imagined that 15 years later it would still be happening. Does anyone else think this thing has run its course already?
In the past two seasons the Eagles have played on a Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday, Sunday day & Sunday night. It's too much! The NFL is awesome because you wait for it all week. Sunday is a day of football. Thursday isn't!
Being a member of the Philadelphia Eagles is about the only way I could like a guy like Jason Babin. Every single other thing about his personality and manner offends me. But he's an Eagle.
Ditto for Jonathon Papelbon.
DeSean Jackson, for probably making my last jersey purchase a waste. My Eagles jersey closet has the following in it: Donovan McNabb, Terrell Owens (x2), Brian Dawkins & DeSean Jackson. By next year, they'll all be obsolete. Of course, why should I care, because I stopped wearing jerseys this year.
Myself - you didn't wear an Eagles jersey for the first game of the year and figured that it must be some omen that they won. So you didn't wear one again all year. That really sparked the team!
Concussions are the new Cowboys.